Saturday, May 3, 2008

I am Glad I am a Mom!

I am glad I am a mom, repeat. I am glad I am a mom, again. I am glad I am a mom, good. Okay so after pondering this statement and repeating it several times praying that it would soak in and consume my heart I fear it just wandered back out of hostile territory. Let's talk. I have 3 beautiful busy slightly wild "ego ecentric maniacs" in the words of Marq my preacher from the pulpit one Sunday morning. Now if you know me then you will realize simply that an "ego ecentric maniacial" mother will not mesh well with 3 "ego ecentric maniacial" children. I have those die to self motherhood days when I am able to throw myself in front of a speeding truck, figuratively speaking of course to completely give all of myself to them and then there are those other days, the days that I can't get "me" off my back so that I can be free to play and be glad to be a mom. I am also so, to much intune with the extreme responsibility of being a mother of His children that it makes me a little nauseous sometimes. Sometimes I wonder and ask God, what were you thinking giving me these amazing little creatures to raise up in Your righteousness Oh, Lord, me! Okay, so this is not everyday but there are the moments, let me explain a little more...

I grew up with a mother that ignored and avoided her daughter. I was never taught nor exposed to an example of a self sacraficing loving mother and then God kind of placed motherhood in my lap, litterally when I was 19. I still remember that little creature and those moments of strangely extreme joy even though I didn't have a CLUE in the world as to what I was doing, thank the Lord for His grace. Now after 7 almost 8 years I am the mother of 3 and still have no CLUE as to what I am doing ;0). This motherhood thing has never come naturally to me, as some would have us believe it is natural to all of us women. Motherhood came into a struggling mind and heart with me and I find it hard to embrace the I am glad to be a mother because of all the personal struggles that I fight on the inside everyday. When I push past all of my sinfulness and hangups I truly can feel the joy of being a mom and they really are more often than I make them out to be. I am a lot harder on myself than I should be, it only brings me down and I realize that it is a deception tool used by satan to sufficate the joy out of this amazing experience of motherhood that God has given me. And it is amazing! and I do love it and I am GLAD to be the mother of 3, 3 absolutely astonishing children.

I have a lot of moments of suffication but not as much as he would like for me to believe and when I loosen his grip from my life and when I remember who I am in Christ, the grace that He continually pours on me and that I am not held captive to any of the inner battles that I fight as a mother my heart overflows with JOY saying "I am glad to be a Mom!"


Fragile Things said...

very good thoughts to think about.
oh, i am going to call today so be ready freddy!

~Java Mama~ said...

Girl, I am ready and waiting!!

JOYfullyi in Him,

crystal said...

You have a way to put thoughts into words. It is hard to be glad you are a mother when you have personal battles raging inside....

Thank You for this, I'm now going to spend the day repeating to myself that I am glad to be a MOM...because I really am, I just need to show it better.

Thank You

Elisa said...

For such a time as why I hosted this meme. I too, struggle with motherhood. While I am grateful, I also feel unnatural as a mom. That's why I wanted to hear everyone else's stories and remind myself each day about this glad thing called motherhood.

Thanks for your transparency and sharing! Don't give up on giving Christ the victory!

Blessings and love, in Him,