Sunday, April 20, 2008

Battling Loneliness

My sweet T-Rex has made me envious of his reality of Jesus. In his moments of fear or loneliness I remind him that Jesus is with him, which means quite litteraly "He is in his closet" or "under the covers", and that is enough, he needs nothing else. The presence and reality of Jesus being with him is so encouraging to me and I can not help but feel envious of his "child like faith".

This last week or so has been difficult with the end of the semester upon my husband and I am looking at a few more weeks of it. The days are demanding and I am forced to face them mostly alone. I desperately want to be a supportive independent wife for my seminary student husband. I realize that he is under a lot of pressure to finish papers upon papers, study for tests, lead study groups and teach childrens classes, be a good father, husband and friend and other things on the side and I do not want to add any more. I want to help lift, carry and encourage. But I keep finding myself alone in a dark corner of it all and struggling with the strength and courage to pick myself up and find the light. These feelings of loneliness are a complete illusion the dark corner I get backed into, is not there. I "feel", there is the culprit the deceiver of illlusionment, I "feel" that I must have some time with my husband to be fullfilled, to be satisfied. I wouldn't be lonely, sad or near depressed if I had more time with him. Here I will go back to my 3 almost 4 year old and his faith, his satisfaction in Jesus alone. He is enough. Tonight I realized that in each day these next few weeks as I face them mostly alone, I am NOT alone. Each day I will find my strength, my joy, my satisfaction from Him and Him alone. There needs to be times when we can truly be alone with Him and need nothing else and by alone I don't mean objectively alone but rather subjectively alone. In a day as a mother we are surrounded by children, by our children and sometimes neighborhood children and surrounded by things that keep us busy but with in us we can still feel alone and abandoned dispite our daily company if we find our satisfaction in someone or something other than our Saviour.

Jesus says in Matthew 28:20...

...I am with you always...

and in Hebrews 13:5...

...I will never leave you, nor forsake you...

These are truths for me, for us. We are not nor will we ever be alone and when we are decieved into the illusion of loneliness may we be very aware of his presence and be reminded of His reality.

4 comments:

crystal said...

My husband has a lesson that he gives at Church called "Like a Child". If only we could all be like the children of the world, we wouldnt have to worry about anything. It does get lonely when you husband is away or even there but involved in something else. I deal with this often and you have reminded me today that I am not alone, I do have my savior there with me and I can count on him to carry my load. He will not put more on us than we can bear...and when you see only one set of footprints it is then that He carried you. I think of this often during the day and now when I think of it, I will remember that I am not alone and I never will be as long as I have my Faith.

Thank You Kelli
Blessings
Crystal

Anonymous said...

Thank you for blessing me with your openness, honesty, and godly wisdom. I have found myself feeling isolated and alone a few times lately, like I'm on an island and completely unreachable by those that I so long to be close to. This is such a good reminder for me of just who I am finding my comfort and satisfaction in. Thank you, sweet friend. I will pray the Lord's blessings on your day today.

I LOVE YOU!!
Dena

Julie said...

Thank you so much for writing this, Kelli. We all need to be reminded of the comforting presence of our Savior. I really needed to read this today, I have been struggling with this SO much....

Have a Blessed week!

Love,
Julie

Allison said...

this post touched me so much! thanks for your honesty and for encouragement for the day!