Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Breaking Free

I am tired of living in this self absorbed mind. It is almost unbearable to be behind these bars of prideful contempt, I just want to break free from them and step outside of myself and my little world.

There are so many things going on besides the little events in my day.

My life is perfect; I think my life is perfect not because things are good but because of God's steadfast love and the hope that is given through His son. We are in the process of making plans for our Thanksgiving family gathering; who to visit, when, how long, what to bring and preparing baked goods to bring while other families are experiencing major hardships and issues in their lives and Thanksgiving doesn't make any exceptions for them. They are living in a dry dessert of mourning seperated from the love of God because they do not recognize Him, they somehow find the strength to endure hopelessly. I am trying to enjoy this "Thankful" season but am having a difficult time concentrating with all of these deeply concerned thoughts moldering around aimlessly in my shallow mind. I wish that my mind and my actions could meet together and decide for themselves to take steps in the same direction. I know that I sound rather dismal but these are my thoughts expressed fully with out restraint. I just felt that I needed to share what is going on in my head at the moment. Please don't get the wrong impression and read anything into my thoughts, I am utterly in love with my life and just life in general but... I weep so intensely inside for all of the suffering souls out there who have no hope in their lives, namely of course Christ and I also weep for the passion I have for their souls that is inprisoned inside me that can not seem escape the barricade of pride living inside me.

I hope that it is not taken that I am complaining or discontent in any way with the gifts that I have been given. I am however complaining about my discontentment with my ability to think on things above, to surrender to the Spirit inside me and to live faithfully to Christ my JOY. I have had a lot of time to think over the past few days considering my boys are absent, leaving our home unpleasantly quiet. I am actually able to "hear" my thoughts, collect them and record them. It is nice but... not all of my thoughts should be heard all at once. They are just flooding in one after the other. I miss my boys so much and can not wait to hear their voices tomorrow.

JOYfully in Him,

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