Sunday, December 30, 2007

Walk... in Love

Expresso got a call this afternoon and all I heard was: "We don't have any plans" and "Sure, yeah man that sounds great" or something to that effect. In my mind I just knew it was a friend of his asking to see if he was free to hang out. I was ready, waiting for him to come ask me if it was okay if he go "hang out" and I was fighting myself inside of how I was going to handle it with grace or with jealous anger. He approached me and before he could get a word out I uttered: "What?" with a tone of aggitation. What I got was a hard slap in the face, not literally, he said a friend had arranged for a babysitter for us so that we could go eat with them and some others. My jealous anger and aggitation slowly faded away and was replaced with relief, then excitement and then guilt. The Lord is good to us even though we so don't deserve it, which is always.

It was a wonderful time of fellowship with good people and good friends. The conversation roamed everywhere from the funny to the ridiculous to the slightly more serious. Their weren't a whole lot of serious talk. We just got home a few minutes ago and put all of the littles to bed.

Going back to my attitudy earlier, I don't want to behave that way. I can't tell you how many inner battles I fight on a daily basis against this flesh I live in. Life is precious and my family is it right behind my Saviour. They are the most amazing people that fill me with a special JOY that can be found no where else, it is a unique JOY that only they hold in their smiles, eyes, laughs, hugs and kisses, in their hands and in their hearts. Love is all I desire to give them, love is all I desire to display, love is all I desire to speak to them and love is all they desire from me. When my dear hard working husband wants to go "hang out" I desire to display my love for him in my attitude towards his request for some time instead of displaying my ungrateful heart reflections onto him and denying him something that would give him rest and enjoyment. Instead of thinking about how I will be left alone for hours with out him to tend to the children Oh how I could be thinking what a wonderful time he could have away being encouraged and come home to love and how I could spend those hours alone with the children showing them love.

It is not an easy thing to overcome. It is not easy to think this way when you are overcome with feelings of loneliness, it is hard to overcome self. To hang onto love. To find JOY in being alone. To enjoy time with your children even though the responsibilty is high and hard. To love those closet around you even when you don't feel good. To keep your focus on the Cross when the idle of self rises up.

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:2

3 comments:

Stacy said...

Dear Kelli,
I am struggling right alongside you! Attitude is everything :) We just have to keep taking it moment by moment.

Oh for the attitude that Christ had. He was God in the flesh, yet submitted himself. I can't help but think of Philippians 2:5-11 where Paul talks about us having the same attitude that Christ had. Such awesome verses.

Anyway...
How nice of your friends! That doesn't happen every day:)
Stacy

Katie & the boys said...

Thank you for sharing, and for your humility. I struggle with this as well. But, one thing I have learned is that, once you recognize something like this--you repent and it does get better and better. Sin always begins with a thought. So, I should know--the next time, if I get attitudy (and I do!) to take that thought captive under the authority of Christ (because I have repented and I know His Word commands me to love (I Cor 13 tells us exactly what love entails--being kind, not jealous, etc...) and make the decision not to react. It's a small victory...then maybe next time, it will be even easier not to react...and then maybe that attitude will go away!
God is good. Thank you so much for sharing. You're a blessing.

crystal said...

Oh how I struggle with this every day. I am just not brave enough to write about it yet. My attitude stinks though....Thank You.

Blessings
Crystal