Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Angry Mother

This morning while folding Butterfly’s clothes I found myself becoming increasingly irritated which isn’t new. I had a twitch in my left eye that was constantly nagging me but even more irritating was the sin that continually nagged me and attacked me through out the morning even at my twitch. Superman and I are going through a study on anger and I am so frustrated with how hypocritical I have been, I can only imagine him listening to me and thinking, if he knew and understood this phrase, “Live what you preach!”. Ashamed, I folded, humbled I folded. I admit that I have a continual battle with anger welling up inside of me and it is constant. I very quickly become overtaken by the irritation and it swells into harsh anger but what I find amazing is that I can contain it in public very easily. Sitting enclosed in my little bubble at home I find that I feel safe to explode on the ones that I love the most and know that even though they will “see” me they will still love me where as outside of my bubble they may not be as nice.


We have been looking at examples in the bible, Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, King Ahab and Naboth and even though I know that I would never kill anyone, bitterness and hatred does grow pretty rapidly if I don’t gain some control over it. And thinking on what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount I am reminded that I have already committed murder in my heart and then I am further reminded of my memory verse a few weeks ago: “Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” and fear that I have not been guarding my heart from the sin of anger and it is obvious by my life. Today I thought "This is not who I want to be". I feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7:15-18 I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. The Lord is working on me and I just pray that He will reveal to me what it is that I need to do in order to be more focused on taming this sinful behavior.

3 comments:

According to HIS Power said...

This is SO true, I feel like this so often lately but am afraid that no one will understand, think I am crazy and an unfit mother. I so easily become angry because of the stupidest little things that really do not matter. I realize that even though I may want to change, I can only do it through the Lord. So I have been praying about this very thing the past few days. I know that the Lord will clear the cobwebs and take away the anger if I just lean on him. All the time. Not just when I start losing control but constantly, never leave his arms. Hope this makes sense? I am just really burdened with my anger and irritability lately. Thanks SO MUCH for sharing this.

Love and Prayers,
Julie

David Hankins said...

Hey there, I just came across your blog as I was looking for something to read that would encourage me to be a more joyful homemaker and to have a better overall attitude (a.k.a. I'm also struggling with anger and don't want to be b/c I really love my family and wouldn't really rather be doing anything else more than what God has called me to. ;) Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your honesty...it's helpful to be reminded that "there is no temptation that has overtaken me except what is common to man."

One sermon I found particularly helpful was one by C.J. Mahaney called Cravings and Conflict:

http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2115-05-51

I can give you a summary of it if you want, but it really is worth the listen, if you haven't ever heard it.

Anyway, I hope you will find it encouraging and helpful.

What material are you going through?

Thanks! May the Lord richly bless you as you seek to honor Him!

Warmly,
Elizabeth

~Java Mama~ said...

Elizabeth, thank you so much for the sermon. I am going to take your suggestion and listen to it, I like CJ Mahaney. So glad that you stopped by and that the Lord was able to encourage you today!

JOYfully in Him,
Kelli