To Know Him

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the ressurection from the dead.

Philippians 3:8-11

My husband spoke to the youth last night about believing with the heart. Thoughts filled my mind and heart of what exactly that means and what it has meant for so many in the past in the present. I realized that to believe with the heart is for Christ to become such a reality in your life that He consumes your every thought and directs your every step, decision and word with out compromise and with out any limitations. When your heart believes in Christ, the gospel, it overflows and spills out thorugh our hands, our feet, our eyes, our tongue and we are incapable of living in other way. My thought is why am I not so consumed to the point that I am incapable of living such a radical life for Christ? Some of my family would say I am but when I compare my faith with others such as Paul and others who have litterally died for Christ or suffered persecution I find that I lack severely in my persevering as a saint just in the simple life as a mother, wife and homekeeper. I realize that my calling has a lot of sacrafices and that my faith my believing from the heart is being used tremendously or can be used tremendously in the lives of my children. One of the questions that my husband asked last night was what is your number one concern right now, I said my children. They are, my concern for them is that they will have a faith so strong that Christ is so real to them that it transforms their life in all areas and that they have no choice but to serve Him, love Him with all of ther heart, mind, soul and strength.

This morning while I was taking a bath I reflected on all of these truths and it occured to me as I prayed that I can not produce such belief, belief that is willing to sacrafice my time, my energy, my every word and action so radically as to exhaust me or lead me directly to death, only God could give this faith to me. I look out my window at the earth and all it's glory and ask myself: Why am I here walking day to day on this green canvas of life? Why am I given breath each morning? Able to speak? What are these hands for? These feet? My thoughts... why do they exist?

Listen to a song that has been keeping my thoughts company for the past few day.

Jars of Clay with scenes from the Passion...

JOYfully in Him,