Thursday, June 5, 2008


"Go forth today, by the help of God's Spirit, vowing and declaring that in life----come poverty, come wealth, in death---come pain or come what may, you are and ever must be the Lord's. For this is written on your heart, 'We love Him because He first loved us.'"
Charles Spurgeon

Each day in our personal lives we face many different obstacles that have the tendancy to cloud our Christ centered vision. For me it is mostly the small things that build upon eachother that tend to be my darkest clouds provoking my unfaithfulness, barricadeing my love for Him and suffocating the breath of His glory from my heart and lips. The Lord has been continually good to me and my family, He has never given us anything that we couldn't handle and trusting in His promise He never will. i will say that some things in our life have been seemingly unbearable but He has stayed close by us all the way. I fear for my faith in a life altering circumstance. I have faced many life altering circumstances such as the death of my mother when I was 11, my adoption when I was 12, my first borns conception and birth along with my marriage and so many others, even before Christ in my life He has always been with me, otherwise I do not know how I could have made it through some of my inner struggles. Now, as I am aware of His presence in my life and as I give Him recognition for my paths I wonder and I guess in a deeper way... fear where my actual faith is knowing that we come face to face with it in the deepest pains that He ordains into our lives. I say and breath that He is my Lord and that I would die for Him but I wonder what the reality of this is. I know that I will never know until I stand before it in battle with my faith. When thinking about where my faith is right now I find myself unsure. I don't think that my faith is as strong as it was in the begining of this ministry journey 2 years ago.

I understand and have accepted that God is in complete control of my life, which means of everything that comes into my life whether... poverty, illness and even death. Everything that has happened in my life, I trust that God has meant it for good. Everything I have experienced has brought about a deeper faith in my own life causing me to lean on Him ever more. When thinking of the future I pray that He will give me the grace and faith to endure what is coming for I can not see His plan folded out but must trust in His unseen will.

I say all of this for a reason that I will reveal later, I would ask that you would please say a special prayer for me and my family today for I am feeling a lot of pressure from a certain uncertaintity that is amongst us.


Anonymous said...

Praying for you today! I think the deeper our faith grows, the more we realize we are frail & have no control over life - a frightening place to be sometimes. Thanks for sharing your heart!

crystal said...


I will be praying for you. Whatever this uncertainty is in your life, I am sure you will get through it. It is often hard to trust in what we do not know. It is hard to give up that control over our lives. Again though, I will keep you and your family in my prayers that whatever you are going through your faith will stand strong and see you through.

Many prayers and blessings

Becoming Me said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful and honest heart. I will pray for you.

Julie said...

Praying for you, Kelli! I for one know a lot about uncertainty; something I deal with it seems, constantly. Prayer is definitely essential in getting through those times.


Anonymous said...

I will lift you up in prayer, Kelli! I don't know, but Our Abba Father knows...