I get asked the question a lot: "How many children do you want to have?" My response is usually a stumbling of words because my heart is a little unsure right now. I have not come to a complete understanding of what I feel God's will is for us as a family. There was a time that I felt that God was calling me to be one of the few "be fruitful and multiply" women but I have since come to the conclusion that this is not His calling on my life. When we first married I always had a quick anwser to the how many question, it was always 7. Why 7, there was not reason behind it other than it was the number of completeness and I thought a good number of children, well since then I have had 3 and struggle in motherhood as we all do for the most part. Don't misunderstand me, I LOVE being a mother!! It is an amazing privilege but one of the things that I really struggle with in having more children is spending time with them all individually. I know that it is not necessary but I long to show my children, all of them, the love and devotion that I never had. When I lay my head down at night I want to have a feeling of complete peace knowing that I have given all of my children an undivided peice of me and my time and part of it is for selfish reasons. I want that time, time to talk privately, time to connect, time enjoy a sacred moment together, time to worship, time to simply dwell in eachothers thoughts, dreams and imaginations and a time to just love them and be with them in the precious gift of time alone and uninterupted away from all of the noise and complications of life. A sacred place for us to just be us. I love all of my children equally and I just hate the thought of letting all of those possible sacred times slip away simply because I didn't make the time and then take the time for them. So I am commiting to make and take the time each and every day that God allows for us to have.
As for right now I think my plan is to dedicate 15-20 minutes a day of "Our Time" right before naptime. Today I experimented with it. Before I layed Butterfly down today I sat on the floor and just enjoyed some time playing with her, which was reading or flipping through as many books as she wanted to. Her face when she saw me sit on the floor and tell her to get some books to read was so sweet and priceless and I just knew that this was definetly something that I wanted to make a habit of doing every day. I figure I can do something of the same thing with T-Rex when I lay him down right after Butterfly and then spend some time with Superman while they are both resting.
My children are amazing and very eqaully their own person and sometimes it is hard to appreciate who they are, who God has made them to be in the midst of each day as their unique God given personalities clash together. I pray that God will bless this commitment and give me the perseverance and the desire and unselfishness to do it even on those days when all I want to do is lay them down so that I can have some "me" time.
JOYfully in Him,
Friday, August 8, 2008
Our "Sacred" Time
Categories:
Family,
Motherhood,
My Littles
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5 comments:
I'm going to try to do the same with mine during schooltime - just one on one with mommy to read, ask questions, pray - instead of herding them all through the day. (I'm sure I'll have to turn a blind eye to the growing laundry pile :o)
For what it's worth, having (almost) 5 is so much easier than when I had only 3 young ones the ages of yours :o) (That just sounds bizarre, doesn't it.)
Love you!
In response to your last few postings....I am in the same thought process as you are right now. I have backed off of outside comittments and am really beginning to be the minister to my family and giving up my selfish way's. I have struggled with that for so long. My boys and husband can see the difference. That one on one is so fun. We went out the other day to pick blackberries and I was able to talk about Gods blessings and what does that mean exactly. The boys loved it and it was a great learning time, it was so peaceful with nobody around. As for how many kids to have I always had wanted 4, no reason other than it sounded like a great number. Well, then we had 1 and all that changed and didn't want him to be alone so along came number 2. Pray, God will tell you. Well, enough for today, I wrote you a short story.....
I have thoughts going around in my head on this subject that I cant quite put into comprehendable word just yet. (If that makes sense at all..lol) I do know what you mean though and I too have been going through this journey (er...struggle). I am finding it easier as I go to just focus on the kids and spend quality time with them...I may do a post on it when I get my thoughts together.
You are very inspiring...making me want to be a better (more one on one) mother. Thank You!
Crystal
very true, thanks for sharing those things. i think we all struggle with that and wish the same for our little ones but reading this made me want to recommit to them and praise God for my "recommitments"
that's such a great idea! only blessings can come out of that quality time! It's so easy to get distracted and busy with things all throughout the day that I don't often just sit and play with Eli. And when I do, he gets soooo excited! he says excitedly "Mommy! Eli!" as though "yay, mommy and Eli are together!" It's so sweet!
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