An update and Birthday post

This week has been clouded, literally and spiritually. I am in a place where every moment is taken and busy in mind and in physical motion and I find myself consistently and overwhelmingly exhausted... tired... dry... weary... faint (at times) and just longing for a break, a moment to simply inhale and exhale, to meditate, to soak in the beauty of this moment.... sigh.

The Lord has been teaching me so many things about what it means to seriously live for Him and die to self, through my marriage and through new relationships, things on LOVE and sacrafice. My life is a constant battle ground of flesh and spirit of pride and humility and the battles are bloody and painful. For the last 2 weeks I have been meditating on Hosea 10:12 "Break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you." I can not tell you how the Spirit has been working on my heart so intricately through His words of truth and wisdom. This last week we were so blessed by a friend who came out and tilled us up a garden and as I think back on all the work they did, a full days work in a constant drizeling rain, I am experiencing the Spirit doing the same in my heart... breaking up my fallow ground, tilling up the clay and mixing in good soil so that fruit can grow.

I know I never followed up with my husband encouragement challenge post but I trust you the few of you, my dear friends, understand. Today is my sweet baby angel's birthday, my now 2 year old Butterfly. My heart is so full of joy for this little girl that brings such a unique ray to our sunshine. She is teaching me so many things, to smile when I don't always feel like it, to be gently when harshness is my tendency and to simply just enjoy when the business of life calls. She has a presence that can not be ignored, I praise God for our little Butterfly:

New Friends and Youth Trip

Last night we spent a very blessed evening with a family that the Lord has providentially set in our path, through friend, family and the internet. We were able to listen to this friend sing his heart out to God... praise God for this family.



This morning we are packing up a church van to set out for Fort Worth Texas... to attend Winterfest. I am very much excited to spend some quality time (6-7 hours drive) with the youth group, worship together, experience poverty and God's love together as we team up with our past youth group in Mesquite Texas to feed the homelesss and the spend Sunday with friends we left behind. God is so good, after all the mourning of leaving them He enables us to visit so soon! Thank you Lord for the privilege.

Today you have been given a priceless and very precious gift... time... savor it and spend it wisely...

JOYfully in Him,

Silent Night

I have packed 8 boxes this afternoon. I sit among them in silence and just think... and listen...



Have a blessed day..

JOYfully in Him,

Christmas among Packing...

I am trying to be thankful and joyful as I follow His plan for my future during this Christmas season. I will CHOOSE (keyword) Joy, JOY found only in Christ. I am looking beyond my feelings and my fears and to the JOY set before me in trusting my Savior and God.

In order for me to do this I must lay out a "plan of action" so I can see it. I have been focused on the boys room right now but with the constant battle of toys in the playroom I am turning my focus to it tomorrow. I am spending the day packing up ALL of the toys, I know it is early to leave my kids with out their source of play but don't worry I will allow them to pack a small bag each of the toys of their choosing. I think that it will help them to appreciate what they have and through this time teach them to look for His blessings in other ways other than the "toys" in their life.

I have a 3 step plan for the boys room and plan to be finished with step 2 today...

Boys Room:
Step 1: Clearing
*Clear out toys
*Clear out trash
*Set aside dirty clothes

Step 2: Boxes (Finish Dec. 10: today)
*Give away/sale
*Unused items
*Unused items
*Sports
*Extra blankets and bags

Step 3: Boxes (Finish sometime next week; Friday?)
*Organize memory box in closet and under bed
*Shoes (seperate Superman and T-Rex)
*Pack winter clothes not kept out for remainder of time
*Books
*Last pieces of decoration (curtains, lamp, shelf, letters & planets) & bedding.

Play Room:
Step 1: Finish by Dec. 11 (tomorrow) Pack...
*Dress up
*Swords & Guns
*Skate boards
*Animals
*Cars & Trucks
*Building Blocks/Toys
*Puzzles & Games
*Play Food and Grill

I plan on packing them in big ziplock baggies if they are small enough to fit. I will sift through them all as I go.I will be significantly down sizing in this area. Some are destined for trash, others for Grandmas and others, the fortunet ones, for their new home.

I figure if I pack some each day until the 19th then I will have made a HUGE chunck of progress by the time we start packing for real to leave. And this way it is not as chaotic and stressful on us. I want to finish by the 19th, have a Garage Sale on the 20th, take the Christmas week off to celebrate Christ as a family and then get busy packing either on the 26th or the 27th and then drive out in our Uhaul on the 29th possibly the 30th. Oh how I pray I will work diligently so that this plan will work. We will see :0). I might be laughing later at my over optimistic plans.

On to one of my favorite Christmas songs preformed by Third Day...



I am hoping to post some of our Christmas crafts we have enjoyed doing as well.

JOYfully in Him,

Blank Thoughts followed by Music

I can not find words to explain how I feel at this time and the Lord is quiet at this time so I am simply going to share some of my favorite Christmas songs this week as I search for Him among the chaos and packing. So until I find the words and time listen...

Louisiana visit

It has been a very emotional and enjoyable week here in Louisiana. In about a month we will call Louisiana our home once again. We are on the look out for a little dwelling place and only have tomorrow to finish our search. I know that God has a place already picked out for us so I am not worrying just a little anxious.

Today was a truly filling day in many different ways. I am full tonight as I type out my thoughts... full with family, friends, love, fellowship, joy, grace and mercy and not to mention to much really good food :0). We are very blessed. Tomorrow we continue our search for our new home and then head out to visit my grandparents, Saturday we head back home to Texas to spend the next month in deep fellowship with friends/family and enjoy the season to be us.

I hope you had a blessed and full Thanksgiving day!

(constantly trying to be more...) JOYfully in Him,

Abandon Tradition

Jessica Leah Springer - "As John 4:23 says, Its time, as worshipers of God, to give him all we have. For when he is exalted, everything about me is decreased. So many times we stand in the way of really stepping into the secret place of worship with God. Just abandon tradition and the "expected" ways of Praise & Worship and get lost in the holy of holies with the sole intention of blessing the Fathers heart."

JOYfully in Him,

Natures Lesson

I am so drawn to the colors and beauty of Autumn. This season never ceases to amaze and captivate me. To listen to the leaves celebrate joyously above and below as they fellowship in the trees and dance along the pavement. To watch them gently and silently journey through a frozen moment in time to a place beneath them I can not help but feel His peace and His grace. Observing His wonders of nature my heart is softened and gratitude and joy rejoice from with in me and the cross becomes clear in the moment and the so called trials of life are brought into a Christ centered and God gloryfied vision.

Everyday we face our own personal set of trials and struggles that if we look at them with out the lens of Christ will appear hopeless and pointless but with Christ they are seen in a new light, a God honoring, high and holy purpose to bring us closer to the image of His son and to bring about His purposes. Life has a tendency to become overwhelming and hopeless and can at times be extremely painful so it is important for us to keep our perspective clearly focused on God, His word, His Son, His Spirit and His holy purposes and goodness.

JOYfully in Him,

Home of Sicklings

So how do you take care of your sick husband, your sick child, a messy house, your needy baby girl, show your oldest attention who is somewhat left alone and yourself who is holding back everything in her stomach?

JOYfully in Him,

True Love

Let the LOVE of Jesus Christ pour out through your life....



JOYfully in Him,

Things Revealed

It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. Galatians 2:20

Our trip to Galveston Texas has left me in a dark room of self examination.

Oh God, Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51: 10-12

He used this experience to bring me into a brokeness that I have never trully called my own.

The sacrafices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17

God has revealed to me some things within my heart that I have truly been ignoring and through this experience has brought them to the surface not allowing me to stomach them anymore.

If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

I can not serve both sin and God, both self and Christ and I have been trying to live between them in my serving. I have only one master that I am a slave to and that is Christ and His righteousness.

But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. Romans 6:17

I long only to serve God and His righteousness, to live by the Spirit, to crucify the flesh, live for Christ, have an undivided heart, labor constanly in love, live consistently in devotion to the love of Him who died for me giving me daily breath and strengthening me to glorify and please only Him and no one else in this world.

"The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6

JOYfully in Him,

Why I have been absent:

*Sign made by Superman, don't miss the "Cross Monster" to the left :0).

JOYfully in Him,

MaMaw-BeBe

There are a mixture of emotions floating around here this morning as we pack and rush off to Louisiana. Yesterday afternoon while discussing some youth ideas for our internship at our church Expresso recieved a call, a call that would change our plans and our hearts, his Ma Maw, 93 years of age passed away early that morning. It was a strange moment... a moment of emotional confusion, JOY and sadness intermingling. She was a woman of the faith, an inspiration in her convictions and we know that she is finally home and we also know that she was ready to go home. She was confined to her home and not able to do much for herself.

This morning we prepare our car and suitcases for the trip and our minds and our hearts for the rush of emotions that will swarm us as we pull into to her driveway and enter her home. Pray for us if you don't mind, for the presence of a strong beautiful women of the Lord is now absent from us... we will miss her deeply, she has made a lasting impression on our hearts and our lives but we are overflowing with joy that she is at peace with her Father.

Kai and BeBe in her pretty pink kitchen where many memories were made with bacon and eggs.

Amaris and Bebe enjoying a precious moment together on her chair.

Eli and Bebe an inseperable pair. I am so glad that he will always have memories of her to carry with him.

JOYfully in Him,

It's Quiet

It's to quiet. Last night was my first night spent away from my baby Butterfly. My little home is empty. I enjoyed sleeping in for the first time in my own bed after almost 14 months especially after the terrifying dream I had. I am going to be heading off here is just a minute to attend a homeschool bookfair that I have been looking forward to for months. I have to admit, I am a little lonely this morning, like I said: It's just to quiet here this morning and I miss all the noise.

But, don't worry... I will enjoy some of the quietness here and there. :0) Have a great day and a blessed Mother's Day weekend if I don't talk to you tomorrow!

JOYfully in Him,

His Faithfulness

If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful
for he cannot deny himself.

2 Timothy 2:11-13

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therfore I will hope in him."

Lamentations 3:22-23

We have those days that we sit on our bed late at night reflecting on the many steps of disobedience and stumblings of our faithlessness. Last night was one of those for me. This morning I am deeply comforted by the awesome God we serve, for that even when His stupid sheep (ME) wanders away, stumbles and falls over her own feet He remains steadfast in His love and GREAT is His FAITHFULNESS. My heart rejoices in His goodness this morning as I ask for forgiveness and begin a new day:

"...choose this day whom you will serve..."

"The LORD my God I will serve, and his voice I will obey."

(Joshua 24:15 and 24- written as I "heard" it this morning)

Battling Loneliness

My sweet T-Rex has made me envious of his reality of Jesus. In his moments of fear or loneliness I remind him that Jesus is with him, which means quite litteraly "He is in his closet" or "under the covers", and that is enough, he needs nothing else. The presence and reality of Jesus being with him is so encouraging to me and I can not help but feel envious of his "child like faith".

This last week or so has been difficult with the end of the semester upon my husband and I am looking at a few more weeks of it. The days are demanding and I am forced to face them mostly alone. I desperately want to be a supportive independent wife for my seminary student husband. I realize that he is under a lot of pressure to finish papers upon papers, study for tests, lead study groups and teach childrens classes, be a good father, husband and friend and other things on the side and I do not want to add any more. I want to help lift, carry and encourage. But I keep finding myself alone in a dark corner of it all and struggling with the strength and courage to pick myself up and find the light. These feelings of loneliness are a complete illusion the dark corner I get backed into, is not there. I "feel", there is the culprit the deceiver of illlusionment, I "feel" that I must have some time with my husband to be fullfilled, to be satisfied. I wouldn't be lonely, sad or near depressed if I had more time with him. Here I will go back to my 3 almost 4 year old and his faith, his satisfaction in Jesus alone. He is enough. Tonight I realized that in each day these next few weeks as I face them mostly alone, I am NOT alone. Each day I will find my strength, my joy, my satisfaction from Him and Him alone. There needs to be times when we can truly be alone with Him and need nothing else and by alone I don't mean objectively alone but rather subjectively alone. In a day as a mother we are surrounded by children, by our children and sometimes neighborhood children and surrounded by things that keep us busy but with in us we can still feel alone and abandoned dispite our daily company if we find our satisfaction in someone or something other than our Saviour.

Jesus says in Matthew 28:20...

...I am with you always...

and in Hebrews 13:5...

...I will never leave you, nor forsake you...

These are truths for me, for us. We are not nor will we ever be alone and when we are decieved into the illusion of loneliness may we be very aware of his presence and be reminded of His reality.

A Spot to Capture and Create

Pooh was known to have his own "thoughtful spot" where he would do his "think, think, thinking" and I have found him to be quiet a wise ol bear in his ways. Not to long ago I began reading A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh Demoss and an idea that she had attached itself to me as if it litterally jumped off the page and clung to me. Her idea like Pooh was to have a personal spot of your very own that you daily gravitate to for time in communion with the Lord. I thought what a great idea! so I began my search for the perfect spot and in my relentless search I found no companion until recently my spot found me. It slowly created itself with my help and now calls me daily to spend some time in the word, in prayer, in creativity, in inspiration and I have a dwelling time each morning to enjoy this time and then if time allows we meet again during our afternoon "rest" hour. It isn't anything special but it fullfills for me a special place to dwell...

It is here that I keep all of my journals, my bible, my pens, magazines, cards and some inspirational and encouraging books near. Taped to my desk is are two pieces of construction paper overlapped with some pretty pink dotted scrapbook paper. I decided to do this because the surface of my desk is textured and it is difficult to write on but after I did it I realized what a nice little place I had made to jot down scriptures, quotes and poems to inspire me when I visit.

Let me share something else that I have been inspired to re-cultivate in my daily life, keeping a daily journal, a place to capture my random thoughts, my convictions, my failures and victories, the glimpses of Christ in each days journey, a reminder of His graces, a place to put the constant drops of my heart down for myself and for my children. I wish I had something like this from my own mother but I left with virtually nothing but a few memories I have crounged up over the years. I have always struggled to be faithful to my capturing each day's journey until about a year ago when I fell in love with a more creative and more expressive way of journaling. I am much more drawn to scratch down my fairly simple thoughts and recaptions because I am pulled in by the chance to not only record but also create and actually bring them together in harmony.

What's in your cup?

"My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39

What has the Lord filled your cup with today or this year? Are you struggling to embrace it and let go of your own preconceived ideas of how things were suppose to go according to the powerful you? Let me share this about myself: I hate and struggle against change. When I realize that all of my easy, delightful well thought out perfect plans have been divinely changed I go into deep battles with in to stay composed and obedient to my faith. What I fail to remember in these moments of inconvenient change is that His will is far larger and profoundly more important than my petty self absorbed will.

We are given the opportunity to embrace His will for our life, our day our every moment. His perfect will is being played out in every detail of our life, don't underestimate the little things in life to be insignificant in His overall will for our life. I know that we all have our own cups that we pray God would take away from us or change but maybe it is time to simply or at least get ready to embrace and find the blessings in it and focus on the glory that can be brought forth from it to Him.

Babbling On and On (sorry)

My baby angel is going to be turning 1 in less than 2 months! I am in utter shock and just can not understand how this has happened, where did the time go? A year.. unfathomable and as whats his name from Princess Bride would say... Inconceivable! I sat and looked at her today and couldn't get over first of all how absolutely A-dorable she is but also how ENORMOUS she is. 20 pounds now I am sure! Almost time to invest in a new frontward facing carseat :0), that is a little exciting. She is pulling up on everything and practicing her balance as she lets go to stand alone, it will not be long before she is walking. Butterflies will be her birthday party theme, of course, and I can't wait to have oh so MUCH fun with it!

Other things floating around in my brain is the enormous amount of "things" taking up space in my backyard. I can hardly think of anything else. It is... just... a monsterous mess, that is all and I am anxious to get rid of it all. We have company coming in town Thursday night some of my lovely in-laws. It will be a wonderful time, as always.

Life for me is always a never ceasing cluttered mess. Not life itself but all the things in my life or really in my house. I can not seem to "get it together" for the life of me. I clean, deep clean, schedule, declutter, organize, set out routine after routine and yet day in and day out I always feel like I am still lagging behind. I know, I know it is all about creating better habits and some how encouraging my family to in that direction. We are happy though in our never ceasing cluttered mess. One day... One day...

Okay, so I am not sure where this babbling post came from. I couldn't think of anything important to post about and then just decided to be me for a moment, the me my husband knows, the babbling me after all the kids are in bed.

Early Morning Collision

Last night was treacherous and today I am tired and the right side of my head is throbbing. From 3-4:30 Butterfly couldn’t sleep, I believe she is cutting her 8th tooth. When I go in to get her the first time at 3:00 she is standing in her little playpen, which is all she will sleep in for some unknown reason to me. I pick her up and rock her in expectation that she will quickly fall back to sleep but when I look down at her she is staring around the room and at one point tries to lift her head to look around but I would have none of that! I decide to lay her down awake in hopes that she would go to sleep on her own. I gently close her down so to make little noise as to call attention to my retreating and as I go through my door I decide to close it half way. I snuggle back into my bed and await my next call but have high hopes that I can drift back to sleep until morning, well later morning. It isn’t but 20 minutes or so that I am called back out of my sleep and bed, I get up feeling my way to the door forgetting that I closed it half way and I nail it directly in the corner on my right eye. I was shocked! Oh my gosh…what just hit me! Expresso alarmed sits up in bed and turns the light on, I now realize what happened as I open my eyes to see the door before me. I have to say I was worried that blood was going to start seeping down my face but thankfully it wasn’t that bad. Anyway Butterfly and I continued our early morning dances 3 more times and by the 4th dance I surrendered to the idea of getting up at my usual 5:00 which was only 30 minutes away. We all slept until 8:00 and have a hard time recovering since. These days are rough… so many demands that I can not back out of… I must keep going but I don’t see how and the throbbing isn’t helping any. Right now we are crawling through school looking ahead to the joys of this evening when all will settle down some and we are all able to come together and just relax.

On my kitchen blackboard I have this written… The JOY of the LORD is you STRENGTH… and I press on.

Also... read this, reflect, remember and be moved.